Kamigan
by ChroniclerOfFantasies
Summary: I thought of my sensei, Kakashi Hatake, and all the things he taught me over the years. I thought of Sakura and Sai and everything we did together. I even thought of him, that lingering shadow in my memory that always pushed me harder and harder. Like I was trying to catch up to someone, or meet their expectations. I closed my eyes. "Who are you?"


I looked out over the village of Konoha, the sun just now beginning to break over the horizon. Here I was, standing in the Hokage's room. Pretty soon, this whole building would be my home. To everyone else I seemed cool, confident. But on the inside, I was shaking with anticipation. Tomorrow was the big day, the day all my dreams came true.

I thought of my past, my missions on team seven. The trials we underwent and the dangers we faced together. I thought of my sensei, Kakashi Hatake, and all the things he taught me over the years. I thought of Sakura and Sai and everything we did together. I even thought of him, that lingering shadow in my memory that always pushed me harder and harder. Like I was trying to catch up to someone, or meet their expectations.

I closed my eyes. "Who are you?" I whispered. I wanted so desperately to know. I felt like a piece of me was missing Like there was someone important I was forgetting. Someone who was with me all of those years, someone who was better than me, stronger than me, who deserved to be here by my side. No… not even that. He was someone who deserved to be where I was standing now.

That thought had passed through my mind a hundred thousand times these past few days. No matter how much I wanted I just couldn't get excited. Tomorrow was the day I became the Hokage and sure I was nervous, but only about messing up the ceremony. When it came to actually having the title I had dreamed of for so long, I felt nothing but guilt. Like I was taking someone else's place, like I didn't belong, didn't DESERVE to bear the honor.

I opened my eyes to look at Konoha once more as I let out a sigh. From behind me I heard a small click as the door to my future office opened up. I took a quick glance behind me and gave a small smile before turning my attention back to the village. It was Sakura. Her presence always put me at ease. She had been my comrade for many years, though now of course she was something a bit… more.

She came up behind me, wrapping her arms around my waist as she leaned her head against my back. I heard her give out a little sigh as she began to speak. "Thinking about the shadow again I take it?" I just nodded my head. I learned quick in our younger years that there was no sense lying to her. She would see through me every time. Lying didn't work in the academy and it wasn't about to work now.

"What's your gut say about him this time?" She asked me as she nudged her face into my back a  
>little.<p>

"That I'm not supposed to be here. That it's the shadow's show and I'm just the rodeo clown stealing the spotlight." She giggled a little. A rodeo clown certainly didn't fit my personality at all. I have to say I even made myself laugh a little, a rare occurrence for me especially in these last few days.

She let go of my back and leaned against the wall next to me looking me in the eyes. "Have you slept at all? Don't tell me you've been here all night!"

"Like I could sleep knowing what tomorrow is."

She put her hand to her face and shook her head. "You need some sleep tonight or you're going to be exhausted."

"I'll be fine."

"Not if you fall asleep during the ceremony!"

I just smiled and laughed it off, giving her a quick kiss on that large forehead of hers. We stared into each others eyes for a bit, reveling in what would likely be one of our last peaceful moments in the years to come. Being a Hokage would keep me busy, and though the last great ninja war certainly put an end to many of the worlds conflicts, it still had a long way to go before things were finally put right. After a  
>short eternity had come and gone, Sakura looked up at me, a gentle smile on her lips. "Hey… I have an idea. The shadow, he was always there to help you, to help us. I've been thinking why don't we throw a little get together in his name huh? Even if he's not real we certainly wouldn't be here without him today. Whaddya say?"<p>

A big grin crossed my face. After everything he did that was certainly the least we could do. "Yeah, I think that'd be a great idea!"

Sakura laughed and clapped her hands together. "Alright! Now we just need to think of a place to hold it."

I gave the idea a little thought and in almost no time at all I knew exactly where to go. "Ichiraku."

Sakura looked at me with surprise. "You mean that famous ramen shop? I thought you didn't like ramen?"

"I don't but…"

"The shadow?"

I nodded my head, a little embarrassed. I wasn't a fan of any kind of fancy food. I preferred simpler, plainer things like onigiri. But although I didn't know how to explain it but I just knew that's where he'd want to go.

"Alright, if you say so. I'll go give everyone a call. I'll let you know who's coming. We'll make it a dinner party!" She started to walk out while she mumbled to herself about who she'd call first. "First I'll call Sai and Sensei, I'm sure they'll accept and even if Sensei refuses Rin would just drag him anyways. Maybe I should call Hinata, though she's been a bit down in the dumps lately. Honestly she's starting to look like she'll turn into Shikimaru. Oh I know! I'll call Itachi, no way he'd refuse! Orochimaru and Obito might be a little busy though, wonder if they'll be able to make it…" I listened to her ramble on as she walked out the door.

Several hours passed and dawn gave way to dusk. I watched as the crowd at Ichiraku's grew and  
>grew. Almost everyone was here, save for a few. My sensei, Minato and his wife, Itachi, Neji, my friends who graduated with me at the academy, they were all here.<p>

Many of them gave me handshakes, high fives, pats on the back and even hugs as they  
>congratulated me. I thanked them all of course but the thanks always felt empty. As the night grew so did my anxiety for tomorrow. No matter what I did I couldn't shake the feeling that everything was just so… wrong.<p>

We ate our bowls and danced and sang well into the night. Some of us, mainly Tsunade and Jiraiya, even drank ourselves into a stupor. But when all was said and done and our bellies and hearts were full enough to burst, I stood up and tapped one of the cups with my chopsticks. The room quieted down as everyone's attention came to rest on me.

"Hello everyone. I'm sure you all know why we're here." Murmurs went through the small crowd. I was hoping Sakura had bothered to tell them the reason. But just in case I mentioned it anyway. "We're here today to honor the mysterious shadow. While we can argue how real he is all we want, there's no denying that without his help I wouldn't be here today. He helped me find my strength when I thought I had none, helped me find my courage when I was too scared to confront my enemies, and most of all he gave me hope even in the deepest darkness. So, in his honor, whoever or whatever he may be, to the Shadow!" I raised up my glass as we all shouted his name in unison, drinking down whatever liquid was in our cups.

"So Sasuke, since this is about the shadow, why don't you tell us about him again?" asked Hinata.

Ino, who was hanging onto Shikimaru's left arm, said "Oh come on Hinata, he's told us a thousand times. He'd just end up beating a dead horse. Right Shikimaru sweetie?" she said, rubbing her head into his chest.

Then Tamari, who was holding onto Shikimaru's right arm, said "Yeah but this party IS dedicated to the shadow, so it only makes sense to hear more about him. Right Shiki-kun?" She said, resting her head on his shoulder. Shikimaru sighed as lightning seemed to pass through the eyes of the two.

"Come now," said Shino. "Don't keep us waiting all day. Out with the story."

I shook my head and chuckled as I began to recount my tale for what seemed like the hundredth time in my life. I explained how my whole life there seemed to be this entity. I always felt it was a man around my age who was there helping me. At times it even seemed like he was doing the deeds himself. Whenever that happened I always felt a bit angry, like he was mocking me, showing me how simple it was like he thought it should be a cakewalk for a guy like me. As much as I hated that though, I always ended up pushing myself, just to prove him wrong.

As I ended my tale, everyone sat quiet, like they always did. I didn't have to say anything, I knew what they were thinking.

Who is he?

Kiba cleared his throat. "Uh, I have a theory." The whole crowd turned their heads to Kiba, not surprising, though. He wasn't really the smartest guy here.

"YOU have a theory Kiba?" asked Neji sarcastically.

"Yeah… yeah I guess I do!"

"You guess or you do?" said Shino. "It can't be one or the other.

You could see a shiver run down Kibas spine as Orochimaru came up behind him. Orochimaru wasn't a bad guy, at least not anymore. But he was still plenty creepy and he knew it. He used that to his advantage to freak people out and mess with them in his free time, not that he had much of that helping out our fifth Hokage, Obito. Of course who better to have as a mentor and advisor than the previous hokage?

"Well come on Kiba." said Asuma, "Out with it!"

"Alright alright already! Okay so it's like this: Remember when we defeated the ten tails? Doesn't something feel off about that moment? I mean think about it. I mean REALLY think about it! Think about where you were standing, where everyone else was standing. How come some of us were covered in a ton of wounds and others were completely fine. How come Madaraa was standing on the other side of the field from us? Why was Obito on the ground being looked after by Minato? I mean yeah they were friends but why wasn't Rin there. Finally, and this was the biggest thing, why were we all crying?!"

"Tears of joy right?" asked Ino.

"Yeah sure that's what we've all told ourselves, and I don't know about the rest of you but I was feeling anything but happy after our victory."

Me and the rest of the crowd all looked away to think. I honestly believed that no one other than me had ever given it that much thought. It put my heart at ease to know I hadn't spent these last three years mulling over the topic all alone.

Of course the it all came to a screeching halt when a very drunk Jiraiya started making out with an equally drunk Tsunade over in the corner and our jaws all hit the floor. At that moment it was right back to party time and party we did well into the night.

As the party came to an end and we went our separate ways, I carried Sakura, now passed out drunk, to our flat. After putting her to bed I stayed up just a while longer. Sitting next to her as I stroked her head and thought. Kiba was an idiot but he was definitely right. Something was wrong about that day. My memory says I was crying tears of joy. That I was holding onto Sakura, Minato, and Kushina because we had been jumping around out of happiness. But that's not how I felt. I felt like I had lost something, or someone, who was very close to me. I felt like I had lost a huge part of my world. I felt like all of it was gone. My brain told me I was the hero who saved the world from the ten tails.

But my heart told me I was just a phony who took the credit from someone else.

My mind was awake, and I wanted desperately to think about it more, but my body was exhausted and I had a big day tomorrow. With thoughts of the shadow running through my head, I drifted off into a world of dreams.

But I would not find my solace there.

In my dream I found myself back at the field where we defeated the ten tails. I looked around to see everyone crying. Touching my face I realized it wasn't just everyone else, I was too. Suddenly a deep sadness filled me and I turned to look at where Madaraa was. And that's when I saw him, the shadow. But he wasn't just a shadow this time. He had a figure, a colored body. It was hazy and I couldn't quite see him clearly but he was definitely the shadow. I reached out my arm to ask him a question but before the words could leave my mouth someone slammed into me.

It was Sakura. She and Hinata had gone running up to the shadow screaming and wailing.  
>"Naruto!" she said. Naruto… was that his name? "Naruto you don't have to do this! Please just stop!" 'Naruto' just lightly rubbed her and Hinata's heads as he smiled.<p>

"I'm sorry girls." he said. His voice was surprisingly high pitched. "Once the jutsus been started, it can't be stopped. Don't worry though, you'll make it without me I promise. Oh come on now don't cry!  
>Buck up! Everything's gonna be alright! Believe it!" I found myself whispering those words, like I had heard them a hundred times before. My heart began to grow heavy. I knew this man, this Naruto. We… used to be so close at one time. But why? Why couldn't I remember him?<p>

In the dream I saw him look up at me and for a moment time seemed to freeze. "You know what you have to do right? Someone else has to take my place. Are you ready? Can you do it?"

I wanted to scream. To say NO. There was no way in hell I could do what he did. He was special I was just a monster who hurt people for foolish and selfish reasons. I could never be anything like him. I fell to my knees in tears. I wanted to beg him not to go. Not to leave. I slammed my fist into the ground, I wasn't worthy to take up his crown. I wasn't worthy to take his place. Sure I had the strength to do it, but I didn't have the heart like he did.

But against all my feelings, ignoring all the pain in my heart, I shut my eyes tight as I whispered. "Yeah. I know what I have to do."

Sakura rushed back over to me trying to pull me up and coax me into telling him to stay. Minato and Kushina ran to me and begged me to do the same, tears filling their eyes. But I just looked at Naruto his faced in a soft but sad grin, Hinata hanging off him and wailing like a baby with his arms wrapped around her. My face had gone blank. The sorrow was deep in my heart but the tears could no longer fall. I couldn't let Naruto see me cry anymore. Not if I was to take his place. His whole life he had never seen me cry once. His whole life he saw me as this amazing guy who was calm, cool, and collected no matter what the situation. Though every part of me screamed not to, I stood up. I put my hand in my pocket, and pulled out the headband of the hidden leaf village, placing on my head for the first time in years. I stood completely straight with my left hand behind my back and my right hand to my head, and gave him a salute. I watched as the entire ninja alliance, or at least all those who could stop the waterworks long enough to do it, copied me.

And slowly, ever so slowly, I watched as the shadow, as Naruto, faded slowly away into dust.

I woke with a start, my alarm clock blaring in my ear. Turning it off, I nudged Sakura awake. She yelled as she opened her eyes, no doubt she had quite the hangover. After getting her some meds we got dressed and went outside. The streets were busy as people from all over were visiting the village. All so they could watch me take the title of Hokage. Vendors lined the streets selling all sorts of fancy baubles, and food stores had put up temporary stands so they could sell their cuisine to more customers. If I hadn't known what day it was I would have thought it was festival not a coronation ceremony.

I walked to a building on the outer left skirts of the village. That's where I was to stay and get  
>ready for the coronation. Upon my arrival I ate breakfast and then reported to my room, where a group of make up artists would spend the next four hours getting me ready. Luckily I wasn't alone. Garaa had shown up and as the Kazekage he too had to have his make up done as well. I chuckled as he constantly argued with the make up artists over the dark rings around his eyes. They wanted to cover them up and he refused to do so, saying they were a part of him and without them he just wasn't Garaa.<p>

Sakura came in from time to time to check on me, not that there was really much to check up on. With nothing else to do I started to think about my dream. The minute I did of course I was gripped by a deep sadness. Already I was beginning to forget the shadows face. I fought hard to keep the bits of the dream that I could but it proved to be more than a little difficult. I was lucky in one aspect though, I couldn't forget his name. That name of his. I couldn't forget it. Naruto. Naruto who? Just who was this guy, this shadow that had helped me all my life. And how come I couldn't remember anything about him when he so obviously meant so much to me?

Hours passed by and finally the moment had come. It was time for the coronation. I stood behind the main doors of the Hokage's home waiting for the line that would signaled my entrance. But as the speeches were made and the crowd cheered louder and louder, my heart began to grow heavy with an unspeakable weight. It wasn't jitters, or cold feet. I wasn't scared of taking up the mantle of Hokage.

No… this was shame. A deep shame. I knew who should be standing here and it wasn't me. This was his moment. Naruto's moment. I was just… "A rodeo clown." I whispered. Sakura who had been standing next to me looked at me with worried eyes. She knew what I was thinking. I had a feeling that everyone who knew me well had some inkling as to how I was feeling right now. But I hadn't told anyone of the dream. Why would I? Today wasn't the day to be worrying anyone.

In the distance I heard the magic words. "And so everyone, I present to you, you're sixth Hokage."  
>This was it. Slowly the doors opened up and light flooded the hall. This was the moment I had dreamed of my whole life. This was the moment I had waited all my days to see. I had worked so hard, done so much, just so that this day could come. But in that moment, when those doors opened up… a weight fell on my shoulders.<p>

I tried to walk, like I had practiced a thousand times before. The stone pavilion that had been constructed in front of the Hokage's house was packed with important officials. Feudal lords, the previous kages, the kages of other lands. All sorts of big wigs. But as I walked towards them I began to hesitate. Each step grew heavier and heavier. The sound of the cheery crowd slowly becoming a dull background noise. By the time I reached the center of the pavilion I was ready to collapse from the weight.

Obito stood in front of me, dressed in the robes of the fifth. He was continuing to speak to both me and the crowd. Everything had gone silent but I hadn't yet noticed. My mind was doing summersaults, my body was growing more and more exhausted and the pain in my chest hurt so much all I wanted to do was lay on the ground and scream. He finally said the words I was dreading. "Now, take this hat and with it, the position of Hokage of Konohagakure."

And for the first time in days, I felt free from the weight. I had made my decision. I knew the difference between right and wrong and this was definitely wrong. I didn't belong here, yet I was here anyway. I knew his name, had a vague vision of his face. Those were clues enough. I couldn't accept the title of Hokage. I had to know. Had to understand just what had happened.

I looked Obito dead in the eyes and said "No."

A gasp ripped through the crowd. They knew what they heard but they could hardly believe it. Obito and the other Kages just closed their eyes like they understood. Sakura sighed like she was afraid that this would happen. I turned to the crowd, more than ready to explain myself. "People of Konoha allow me to explain. Throughout my entire life, there has been an entity which helped me in the toughest of situations. I never could see his face. In fact I often wondered if he was even real. He never really seemed to be there. He always seemed more like a creature that lived forever in the corner of my eye. Always there but never clearly seen and while this may be ridiculous to hear and hard to swallow, I owe my life to him more than a few times."

"Now normally I would only think him silently inside my own mind. But last night changed that for you see last night I had a dream. A dream of the day I defeated the ten tails. In that dream I saw the shadow clearly for the first time. He was a young boy, around my age at the time with blonde spiky hair and all dressed in orange and wearing a hidden leaf headband. His name… was Naruto."

"Now I don't know if it means anything, but in my heart I feel that it is him and not me who deserves to stand here today. So for now I cannot accept the title of Hokage. Not until I know the truth. As Hokage, it would be wrong of me to take what truly belongs to someone else. And so, later tonight, I will be leaving the village." Gasps and murmurs flew through the crowd again but I ignored them. "And until I learn the truth behind this Naruto, I will not be returning to the village. Please, wait for a while longer. Perhaps I will even return with someone better suited for the job than myself."

With that I walked off like nothing had ever happened and returned home to my flat. As I began to pack a few meager belonging Sakura came in. She assisted me, though she never said a word. Time passed and we ate dinner together. It was silent the whole day, not because either of us were upset, but because there was nothing that needed to be said. We both understood. This was something I HAD to do. I wouldn't be able to live with myself otherwise. As the clock ticked away we went to bed as we always did, only this time I had my alarm set for two in the morning. It was a special alarm with my chakra stored inside. Even on max volume no one but me would be able to hear it so it wouldn't bother her sleep. I kissed her good night, and turned out the light, having no idea when I'd return home.

The night air was chilly in the village. I looked at the doors leading out from the village and took a deep breath. As I put my hand on the door I hear someone call out. As I looked behind me I was surprised to see two people standing there.

"Hinata? Itachi?" I looked at the two standing there. I had expected at least one person to come and stop me from going… but not the two of them. "What are you guys doing here?"

"We're not here to stop you if that's what you're asking." said Itachi.

"Actually we came to cheer you on… kind of." I gave them both weird looks. This was certainly unexpected. "Did… was it actually a boy named Naruto you saw? Did he have blonde spiky hair and whisker marks on his cheeks?"

I took a step back in surprise before nodding my head. "How did you know that?"

Itachi took a step forward. "Hinata's been having dreams like that since that day."

"And what about you?"

"I have my own theories as to what's really going on."

"So you think that Naruto is real as well?"

"I don't think. I know. What I don't know is the details as to what happened. That, I'll leave to you."

Hinata ran up to me and wrapped me in a hug, tears streaming down her eyes. "Please! Please find him! I can't take it anymore! My heart is aching all the time and I don't know why! I'm tired of crying in pillow every night! Please you have to find him! Bring Naruto home please!"

I looked down at Hinata and wrapped her in the gentlest hug. "I will Hinata. I promise I'll bring him home."

I let go and she joined Itachi again, still crying as he held her. As I opened the gates I heard him shout out "Give em hell, little brother!"

And with that I, Sasuke Uchiha, left the village hidden in the leaves and I would not return until I found Naruto and brought him home.


End file.
